Subject: Your kind offers of over 50s insurance
Thank you for your recent letter, the second I have received from COTA.
While I appreciate your offer of discount insurance somewhat appealing, and I would very much like to take up the benefits of your over 50s membership deals, I'm afraid I must respectfully decline.
I'm willing to admit that I'm getting on a bit. I don't listen to heavy metal as much and I also don't go out to clubs because the music is just too damn loud. I have no tolerance for rap or RnB music and I do wonder what's going on with those teenage brushed-forward hairstyles. I've also developed a real interest in anti-wrinkle creams and most mornings I wake up with a sore back.
And OK, yes, I did nod along with the Grumpy Old Men show here and there.
Nonetheless, my eyesight is not fading, I'm a long way off menopause and I have cheerfully resisted the urge to listen to talkback radio. I do my best to avoid using the phrase "nowadays" and I do not vote Liberal.
So, as you can see, I don't really fit the profile of your ideal COTA over 50s demographic.
There is also one major salient point that precludes me from accepting your over 50s insurance and membership benefits.
Yes, I know I'm getting on at bit but I do like to think that there's still a bit of life in the old girl yet. If nothing else, at least let me get to 40 before you eagerly invite me to become an old fart.
Given this rather important chronological detail, would you be so kind as to remove me from your mailing list?